#SwindonsSundaySermon: Starmer’s sabre-rattling jingoism is the last refuge of a scoundrel

What on earth does Keir Starmer think he is doing?

I’ve gone back through the untold pledges, the impossible missions, the multitude of milestones, the uncosted commitments and plethora of broken promises, and I couldn’t find a single mention of deploying British soldiers to fight a war for a state with a bit of a Nazi problem.

The British army, made up of 74,000 regular forces personnel and 25,000 reservists, is around half the size of military superpowers such as… erm… Myanmar, Morocco, and Colombia.

If Starmer was planning to have a shit fight, it’s best not to go armed with little more than a fart.

Does the prime minister have any children of military service age? When I see a gun-toting Starmer Junior cosplaying on the streets of Mariupol in their Dad’s Army outfit — the one he gets out for the occasional photo-opportunity — I’ll review my stance, but until that time, and not before, the Prime Minister shouldn’t even consider putting someone else’s children in front of one of the most powerful militaries on earth.

I don’t think that’s particularly controversial, and I certainly have no ill feelings towards any of Starmer’s offspring because that would make me as bad as their pathetic, desperate old man.

But if you’re not willing to dip your toes into the bath to see how hot the water is you certainly shouldn’t be contemplating the possibility of getting someone else to dip theirs in first.

Keir Starmer’s jingoism is opportunistic hypocrisy

Starmer is an opportunistic hypocrite. The attempt to appeal to the often jingoistic British public isn’t entirely dissimilar to Netanyahu’s destruction of Gaza.

The corrupt, genocidal fugitive Netanyahu has been clinging on to power by a thread for some time. The destruction of Gaza helped him buy more time with the demonstrably racist Israeli public.

Starmer is in a whole heap of trouble at home. His party is less popular than a bunch of shouty, white, tweed-clad, urine-scented Faragists and the Labour Party still hasn’t recovered from the worst start for a government in living memory. Just this week, voters were asked if they trust the Labour Party. Only 16% said they trust Labour.

Their immigration policy has alienated more people than it has attracted, pretend-economist Rachel Reeves’ plan for growth only seems to apply to poverty and destitution, the filthy rich continue to get considerably richer, and the ‘moderate’ people that loaned Labour their vote just to get rid of the Tories are wondering when a Labour government will actually take office.

Meanwhile…

Just this past week, Labour has confirmed they will be cutting £3 billion from disability benefits. Red Tory minister, Stephen Timms claimed “money is tight”, while somehow managing to keep a straight face, safe in the knowledge his boss has already committed £3 billion a year to Ukraine, for as long as it takes.

Starmer has been desperately thrashing around for a distraction for some time. Trump, Musk and Gaza didn’t serve the intended purpose, so why not talk up throwing a load of British lives into the lion’s den?

Starmer’s spinners know they have a far greater chance of causing a significant distraction if their liability of a leader is laughably flexing our red, white and blue muscles on the global stage.

Isn’t patriotism said to be the last refuge of the scoundrel?

What next? Conscription?

Look at it from Starmer’s point of view. The United States’ long withdrawal from Europe has moved up a gear with the arrival of the neofascist Trump. So who is going to step up to the plate?

The right-wing establishment media will bang the war drum, of course, they still think Britannia rules the waves rather than a shitty little isolated island that prefers to waive the rules, these days.

But they, and Britain’s biggest arms manufacturers, will be telling Starmer how British boots on the ground in Ukraine will save his chaos-ridden, shambles of a government at home.

If Starmer honestly believes the British public will tolerate the brutal deaths of hundreds, if not thousands of our children to fight a proxy war against Putinist Russia in a former Soviet state, he’s even more deluded, desperate and dangerous than I ever thought possible.

What next? Conscription? What worked in 1940 isn’t going to work in 2025.

Stick to playing Fortnite

Back in the Forties, young people were ready to sign up to fight against fascism on the continent of Europe. Skip forward eighty-odd years and you will see your average young person prefers to fight ghouls on the PlayStation, or document their every move on TikTok.

And good for them. Stick to playing Fortnite. Go and get drunk with your friends, share a spliff, start a band, play football, do what young people do and NEVER become a victim of conformity.

What is it with this government and assisted dying? If they’re not telling disabled people that they are a worthless burden on their loved ones and society as a whole, they are talking up sending young people to face their inevitable, gruesome demise under the guise of “peace keeping”.

We may as well do a block-booking with Pure Cremation at this rate, as this really will not end well for us.

Starmer will be on Trident, next

You keep peace with diplomacy, Mr Starmer, not poorly-equipped British teenagers carrying hand grenades.

I have no doubt this conversation will soon move on to the apparent importance of our nuclear deterrent, and why we need to further invest in something we are never going to have any use for.

The hawks have a point though.

What could be better than the threat of Trident while Russian hackers bring down the IT infrastructure of our NHS?

“Oi, Nikita, put down that gallon of Novichok or we’ll get on the phone to Trump and ask him if we can nuke your Commie ass, when he’s finished his round of golf”.

Our nuclear deterrent serves no greater purpose than me standing tall at the very highest point of the White Cliffs of Dover, trying to scare off the Russians with a Care Bear stare.

You’ll have to Google that one, kids.

In fact, at least I’d provide you with a laugh or two, and you’d even get a bit of change out of £200 billion.

Not much though.

Featured image via Rachael Swindon