Sausage fingers and gammon – Orange Order lads look to bring back the good ol’ days of Holy War

The Pope falsely claims to be the Vicar of Christ on earth and the Church over which he presides clearly preaches a false Gospel which is not in keeping with the Inerrant Word of God.

When examined in the light of Scripture, the erroneous and dangerous doctrines and practices of the Church of Rome are found to be unscriptural and completely without biblical warrant.

Romish doctrine of Purgatory is repugnant to the Word of God along with the worshipping of images and relics’. Furthermore, the same Articles of Faith over which the King governs reaffirm that ‘the Church of Rome hath erred on matters of Faith and that the false doctrine of Transubstantiation cannot be proved in scripture for the Mass is a blasphemous fable and a dangerous deceit which have given occasion to superstition.

The Canary tried running the above through Google Translate to see what this shit means but the Deranged Orange Sectarian Lunacy feature is still in beta so we’ll put it down as “something not very nice about the Pope” for now.

Full-fat Orangeism, carbonara and Holy War

The ILOI pledge on their website (a form of witchcraft btw) to “look forward to the future [and]…learn from the past”, which is an interesting take given they likely believe the world is 6,000 years old, fixate on stuff 2,000 years old, pledge their allegiance to a creed 500 years old, and revel constantly in the ‘glory’ of a battle that’s 300 years old.

The solemnity of their letter clearly indicates they’re still stuck in a past where Britain’s benefit-scrounger-in-chief (i.e. King), enjoyed real power rather than just slightly too much power for an unelected figurehead. Naughty Charlie is told off for failing to uphold his Coronation Oath in which someone who actually listens to this stuff noticed that he pledged to be a “faithful Protestant”. Apparently that means “there can be No Peace with Rome, until Rome makes Peace with God” so with any luck hopefully while in Italy Charles can say something disparaging about a carbonara and kick off a world-shattering Holy War before he gets the 19:15 flight home to London Stansted.

In these fast-changing times, where some unionists seem to be moving towards your more fashionable forms of bigotry, such as hatred of immigrants and trans people, it’s almost nostalgic to see the old hands keeping the proud tradition of anti-Catholic animosity going.

The Grand Orange Lodge of England took a pop at the unelected wealth hoarder too, but it’s just a bit weak, the diet version to the full fat Irish Orangeism of Lambeg drum-beating, shouting at schoolkids, fighting your mates for no reason, setting the street on fire, pointless, self-defeating, antediluvian sectarian shite. If you want the real stuff, call in the boys from Ballymoney.

Featured image via the Canary