Tories announce plans to lose the local elections less badly

The Tories have fucked it. The leadership doesn’t have a clue; the members hate the leadership, and the donors don’t know what they’re paying for anymore. Despite that, the party has to stand in elections still. Or does it?

The Tories’ 2019 local election campaign suggests they’ve all just gone into hiding.

Heads in the sand

The problem with Tory activists going door-to-door is that people live behind those doors. Many voters have questions like:

• What the fuck are you idiots doing about Brexit?
• So austerity – that was all bollocks, wasn’t it. How are you going to give us back the last ten years?
• Are you clowns going to ignore climate change right up until the point when it’s too late, or will you ignore it after that, too?

The Tories have a plan to avoid all this. They’re going to hide. So keep an eye out, because soon-to-be ex-councillors are out there. Maybe you’ll see one in the undergrowth. Maybe you’ll see another clinging to the bottom of a milk float. Possibly you won’t see any, because they’ve all joined Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party.

All bad things

The problem with Toryism is that eventually you run out of people to blame. Pointing at the economy and shouting “Labour dunnit” ceases to work when you’ve been in power for a decade. Especially when things have only got worse.

Think about it. Can you even remember the last time you saw Theresa May?

I can.

She was clinging to the bottom of a local milk float.

Featured image via pxhere