Four new year resolutions Keir Starmer needs to make to disabled people

Happy new year! As the Canary is back from our Christmas break today I thought what better time to start new year resolutions than six days late?

Starmer needs to make some resolutions…

Of course, being a perfect baby angel I don’t need to change in any way (except maybe be better at time keeping and eating more vegetables). So instead, I thought I would give my resolutions to the prime minister and his government instead.

While there are A LOT of ways Keir Starmer should be trying to better himself and his government in the new year, he needs to make some serious pledges to disabled people. So here are some I wrote earlier for you Mr Starmer

One: I will not be a nosy cunt

As of yet, there’s been no news on whether Starmer still plans to spy on benefit claimant’s bank accounts. However, during his maiden speech as prime minister at the Labour Party Conference back in October 2024, he revealed his plans to bring in legislation that will give DWP benefits inspectors more powers to snoop on benefits claimants’ accounts.

This sounded eerily similar to Tory plans which passed through the commons but then were binned with the old government. Big Brother Watch are still running a petition to block the plans, but they need your help. You can sign it here.

Despite what the press have convinced the public, disabled people are allowed to manage their own money and should be given the privacy to do so, without living in fear of having their benefits stopped because of how they spend or make money.

In the meantime, keep the fuck out of our business, prime minister.

Two: I wont take the PIP

Another plan that it’s unclear whether the red Tories will be stealing from the blue Tories is around, surprise surprise, disability benefits.

Last year the Tories ludicrously decided they would try and stop giving benefits claimants money and instead give us vouchers for things we needed like ramps and handrails, which would definitely feed us and keep us warm during the winter.

Labour once again haven’t directly thrown this idea out. They allowed the consultation to run it’s course and minister for disabled people Stephen Timms told the Commons that the DWP would be reviewing all 16,000 responses, before coming up with their own plan – though if it’s anything like the Get Britain Working plan, it won’t be that different.

Frankly what disabled people do with any money they receive is up to them, if we all want to blow it all on cigs and booze or maybe even push the boat out and, I don’t know, buy ourselves warm winter clothes, that’s got fuck all to do with the government.

Three: I wont talk shite to my mates in the press

It seems like every other week the prime minister or members of his cabinet are suggesting benefits claimants are draining the national resources and that they could all work if they tried hard enough.

Of course the prime minister knows this isn’t true, but being a Blairite he also no doubt knows that the only way he’ll be able to destroy more disabled people’s lives is by making them public enemy number one.

What the prime minister actually needs to do is to pledge for media reform and put more pressure on outlets to not demonise marginalised groups of people. But then if he did that he’d risk the common man lookin up and seeing who’s really causing all the problems.

Four: I’ll stop being vague AF

At the end of the day, disabled people haven’t got a bloody clue what’s going to happen to us in 2025, and that’s because the government are deliberately withholding any plans.

They say they need time to develop their own green paper on disability and welfare reform, but this should’ve been something they had planned before they came into power.

While finding out about whatever they’ve got coming for us may not put our minds at ease, it will enable disabled people to mobilise against the government – but we need to know what we’re fighting before we can fight it.

Featured image via the Canary