#SwindonsSundaySermon: Starmer is facing four years of absolute hell

I must admit, I have been somewhat distracted by the chaotic events unfolding not just across the pond, but also the dodgy ceasefire deal that doesn’t seem to matter in the slightest when the colonialist outpost of Israel fancies killing some more children for no other reason whatsoever than the fact they’re not Israeli.

It’s not hard to become distracted by the world’s richest moron throwing a Nazi salute for an adoring audience while the giant tangerine tantrum gets on with signing an Executive Order that legally defines every person in the United States of America as *checks notes* a woman.

Are you allowed to put scared face and pmsl emojis in a Canary article, dear Editor?

Editor: yes Rachael, that’s fine ✊

😱😂🤣

It’s not hard to become distracted by the humiliating defeat of Israel to Hamas, following fifteen genocidal months of terror, sponsored by the ‘liberty-loving’ Western superpowers, and little isolated, tinpot Britain.

If every country in the world was defined by a street, Britain would be the greatest cul-de-sac of them all.

This is the bit where you angry right-wing geezers start wiping the foam away from your dentally-challenged mouths to mutter something about packing my bags and living in a country with Sharia law because ‘are’ country doesn’t need white traitors.

I bet they all secretly fancy Shamima Begum.

If the emoji thing is a goer, favourite Editor, can you add a fishing one too, please?

🎣

Nothing has changed with Keir Starmer

So I thought it was time to turn my attention back to Keir Starmer and his lightweight government.

There was a small thought in the back of my mind that a bit of hostility from the new American administration towards Starmer might just galvanise the country, or at least the Labour Party’s core voters into offering a bit of support for the heavily-criticised prime minister.

But, in the words of the former right honourable member for Maidenhead and secretary of state for ‘Go Home’ transit vans Theresa May – “nothing has changed”.

Nothing has changed since the long Christmas break, nothing has changed since we have seen this monstrosity of a Labour government fluke it’s way into power, and has anything really changed from this time last year, or even the year before?

The rosette may be red instead of blue, and the current prime minister may well be a few hundred million quid worse-off than his predecessor, but disabled people are still being persecuted by a bought-and-paid-for hatemonger that makes Esther McVey look like Princess Di (gawd bless ‘er), the rich are still calling the shots, thanks to this week’s non-dom capitulation from Rachel Reeves, and they all still laugh in your faces while you dream of escaping Britain for a few days, rather than most of the fucking year, and Britain continues to openly welcome Israel as if it’s a misguided child, rather than a genocidal, racist, pariah state that’s killing fuck knows how many people in the evil hope of turning Gaza into greater fucking Israel.

Breathe Swindon, remember to breathe.

Bonnie Blue for PM?

“Galvanise”, that was what I was saying. Let’s be honest, Keir Starmer probably can’t excite his closest family, let alone an impatient electorate that is demanding a return on the goodwill afforded to him at last year’s general election.

Rumours of Keir Starmer being rejected by ‘Bonnie Blue’ are yet to be confirmed. Who? You’ll have to put her name into your favourite search engine to find out.

Actually, don’t.

The bar of acceptable ethics and morality for the holder of the highest office in the land has been lowered considerably by successive Conservative Prime Minister’s, I’m sure you will all agree?

Has anyone told Keir Starmer not to aspire to this shambolic level of dishonesty, deception and incompetence, but to try and raise that bar just a little bit higher?

It wasn’t that long ago we had a British prime minister that compared Muslim women to bank robbers and post boxes. Why isn’t *this* Labour prime minister focused on making Britain the tolerant, hospitable nation that so many people foolishly seem to think we are?

Yes, Keir Starmer hasn’t even been in power for a year. Yes, it is entirely possible the British people could suddenly decide Keir Starmer isn’t a freebie-feasting fraud with the charm of norovirus.

But, and there usually is a but, I truly believe we are looking at a one-term Labour government, and poll after poll agrees.

Again, I’m sure people will tell me that polls are designed to manipulate public opinion, rather than gauge it, and I don’t entirely disagree.

But even the most optimistic of ardent Starmer supporters — deluded as they may be — will struggle to deny the blatantly obvious.

The rot has set in for Keir Starmer

The rot has set in. Labour is facing a wipeout, and potentially its lowest share of the vote since the end of the First World War, in 1918.

The same poll indicates a whopping NINE cabinet ministers would be turfed out of office. Names such as Angela Rayner, Wes Streeting, Lisa Nandy, Jonathan Reynolds, and Yvette Cooper would all find themselves out of a job, or at least in the parliamentary sense because the revolving door between politics, punditry and lucrative directorships at huge corporations is very real.

As it stands, the Farage personality cult, Reform UK, looks set to become the chief beneficiary of the Labour Party’s inevitable demise.

For the first time, Farage’s fox-hunting-fuckwits are leading in another poll. If this is correct, it would be the worst defeat for an incumbent government since 1685.

This surge in popularity for the piss artists formerly known as UKIP is likely to see the permanently unpopular Labour prime minister edge further to the right in the quest for votes.

Ultimately, this will prove to be an utterly pointless exercise because the anti-refugee masses are easily sucked in by the promise of a greater (they mean whiter) Britain from snake oil salesmen dressed in tweed suits.

I remember being told that Jeremy Corbyn had damaged the Labour brand for a generation. That was quite obviously a lie, but it suited the frenzied anti-Corbyn media hate mob, and if you repeat a lie often enough…

Let us not forget, it wasn’t that long ago Corbyn was pulling in the sort of voter numbers at a general election that the likes of insipid Starmer and that fucking douchebag McSweeney could only ever dream of.

Wiped out for a generation?

So, how many generations will it take for the Labour Party to recover from its failed lurch to the right — ground held firmly by Reform UK and the Conservative lot? Or is such dramatic language reserved exclusively for the left?

My first prediction of 2025? Keir Starmer is facing four years of absolute hell.

And it couldn’t happen to a nicer bore.

Featured image via Rachael Swindon