The Conservative Party is dead – which under normal circumstances would be hilarious

A few, instantly forgettable days in the city of Manchester has confirmed the Conservative Party is unable to provide a credible opposition to a widely discredited, scandal-ridden Labour government.

I am in absolutely no doubt whatsoever; the Conservative Party is dead.

The 2024 general election didn’t just eject them from power — it was a massacre that would make a Hammer Horror movie blush.

Reduced to 121 MPs, their lowest tally since the 1830s, they lost seats to everyone from independent socialists calling out their Gaza genocide complicity to Farage’s grifting circus, Reform UK.

Just over a year later, under the leadership of Kemi Badenoch, the Tories find themselves trailing in the polls to the worst Labour government in living memory.

Even their own members are jumping ship. Half of them say Badenoch’s unfit to lead them into the next election, and Robert Jenrick — who believes the UK should have the Star of David at every entry point into the country — keeps popping up as the consolation prize that nobody asked for,

Admittedly, a number of the Tories want Jenrick, a man so bland he makes fence panels look rebellious, but the rest of the Brexit nostalgists are ready to sell their darkened souls to Farage’s fascist fan club to make themselves feel a little bit better.

The Tories aren’t just dead, they’re decomposing into the compost heap of history.

The Conservative Party is dead

Years of gutting the NHS, cheering on the body count of austerity, and shilling for fossil fuel barons and shady foreign donors have left them with nothing but culture war dogwhistles and the memory of an iceberg lettuce outliving Liz Truss’ credibility.

The Tories spent fourteen years building a Britain where NHS nurses queue at food banks and sleep in cars while their hedge fund associates dodge taxes in their mansions. That is the Tory brand, and it is more toxic than a skunk’s armpit at a garlic-eating contest.

Badenoch’s speech was a desperate, reheated casserole of right-wing buzzwords. The promise to “restore a strong economy, secure our borders, and rebuild Britain’s strength” is pure delusion.

It was supposed to be a rallying cry for the restless Tory masses but it felt so much more like a requiem for a party that is out of touch and out of ideas.

It will be a miracle if Badenoch is still the leader of the Conservative Party at the next general election because that speech was like a resignation letter in policy form.

The big reveal, which absolutely nobody was waiting for, was to announce the abolition of stamp duty under the next Conservative government.

Because what Britain really needs is another tax loophole for oligarchs and Airbnb millionaires, while millennials live in their parents’ basements, right?

There will not be a next Conservative government.

And what if there was? The Tories torched social housing, jacked up rents to dystopian levels and turned rough sleeping into a national sport. This is a legacy that cannot be undone.

Zack Polanski: inspiring hope

One political leader that inspires genuine hope is Zack Polanski. I must admit, he is growing on me quicker than a pair of hypnotised breasts.

While Jezza and Zarah’s ‘Your Party’ spent the summer months squabbling and threatening legal action, Polanski went about his business quietly and effectively, putting in place the foundations of a genuine socialist movement.

Some people on the left are quick to say Polanski is simply putting a green slant on Corbynite policies as if it’s a bad thing.

Eco socialism is a solution to the crises of today, not the problem.

Other critics (particularly on the right) are keen to point out that Mr Polanski was born with a different name, as if it is some sort of “gotcha” hypocrisy moment.

Polanski changed his name at the age of 18 to reclaim his family’s original Jewish surname, which had been anglicised to Paulden generations earlier as a shield against rampant antisemitism in early 20th-century Britain.

Polanski’s name change was transparent, legally documented, and tied to his heritage.

The same critics are fine with Stephen Yaxley-Lennon calling himself Tommy Robinson, which is a pseudonym layered over convictions for fraud and contempt, but they get particularly angry about a Jewish lad honouring his roots?

Remind me again, why did the Polanski family feel it necessary to change their surname, some generations earlier?

Fixating on birth certificates distracts from substance. If Polanski’s policies land or flop, it’ll have absolutely nothing to do with what his mum called him at birth.

There is space for two left parties

Don’t get me wrong here folks, Your Party has every chance of being a huge success, even more so if they can effectively live stream a rally…

It is entirely possible for Your Party and the Greens to work together, both now and in the future.

The Independent Alliance (Your Party’s precursor) has informally coordinated with Greens in Parliament since 2024.

They’ve jointly tabled amendments to the King’s Speech, voted together on issues like Gaza and social justice, and shared resources for campaigns.

And at this week’s Your Party big rally in Liverpool, Corbyn and Sultana discussed an “optimistic socialist alternative” alongside “working with Polanski’s Greens.”

There is plenty of space on the left for two political parties. Millions of disillusioned Labour voters are politically homeless. Your Party and Polanski’s Greens must now point the way to a better, fairer Britain for all.

Featured image via Rachael Swindon