Beyond the bar: how queer women are redefining connection

I used to go to an iconic LGBTQ+ cafe/bar tucked away behind Tottenham Court Road. First Out, which sadly closed its doors in 2011. At the time, it was more than just a venue—it was a sanctuary where queer women could gather, connect, and potentially find romantic sparks.

Spaces for queer women are in decline

The landscape of queer social spaces is declining fast. Despite nearly 10% of the population identifying as LGBTQIA+—particularly among Generation Z—traditional lesbian bars and community spaces have increasingly become a thing of the past.

Online dating once seemed revolutionary. The Pew Centre reported that since match.com’s launch 30 years ago, an impressive 24% of LGBTQ+ individuals found their long-term partners through digital platforms. However, recent feedback suggests a growing fatigue with endless swiping and increasingly artificial online interactions

After a decade of organising events for queer women, I understood that people were seeking genuine, in-person interactions—especially in the aftermath of pandemic isolation. This was one of the main reasons I ended up creating Out & Wild festival, now the UK’s largest festival dedicated to queer women and non-binary individuals.

The goal was never to play matchmaker in the traditional sense. Instead, we focus on crafting experiences that naturally build connections. Our events eschew forced networking techniques like colour-coded stickers or structured speed dating. Instead, we offer diverse activities—wild swimming, hiking, spoken word performances, and interactive workshops—that encourage organic conversations and shared experiences.

While traditional bars remain important (particularly for those seeking casual or polyamorous connections), there’s a clear shift towards experience-driven gatherings. Platforms like Meetup and Outsaavy now showcase a growing range of events: game nights, campervan adventures, gong baths, and group dog walks. These activities recognise that queer women seek more nuanced ways of building connections beyond a boozy nightclub.

Diversify your approach

Recently, I’ve noticed an emerging trend of “speed friending”—a low-pressure alternative to traditional dating events. These gatherings allow people to engage in brief, structured conversations without the pressure of romantic expectations. The focus is on opening dialogues and creating opportunities for further connection.

My advice for those seeking meaningful connections? Diversify your approach. Attend events that genuinely interest you, explore both digital and physical spaces.

There is nothing wrong with dating sites, but try to widen your friendship circles, it’s a great way to meet new people. And the biggest one, if you do connect with someone, just bite the bullet and ask for their number, fortune favours the brave.

Featured image via the Canary