Famously poor decision-maker has 48 hours to decide the nation’s fate

Theresa May is famous for two things:

1. Struggling to make decisions.
2. Eventually making decisions which are at best terrible and at worst the 2017 general election.

May is now in a position in which she has 48 hours to get Brexit back on track (after she decided not to let the DUP know about the offer she’d decided upon).

This is going to be problematic. Because it may mean actually deciding what ‘Brexit’ means, if Brexit does indeed mean ‘Brexit’.

Get it together

May was overheard trying to psyche herself up in front of a bathroom mirror. The following is a transcript of what she said:

Come on, Theresa: it’s not that big a deal really. There’s two ways I can take this – Hard or Soft. One will seriously mess up the country. The other will also seriously mess up the country, but will at least ensure that the Brexiteers are as naffed off as the rest of us.

All I have to do is decide which one – knowing full well that whatever I decide will be the thing that I’m ultimately remembered for.

At this point, an aide asked if the Prime Minister would be long, as the country wouldn’t run itself.

“Just a minute,” May answered. “I just need to decide if I’m going to dry my hands with the air dryer or the paper towels.”

Four indecisive hours later, she just wiped them on her dress and stepped outside.

Crunch time

This moment is what happens when an unpalatable choice meets an incompetent decision maker.

And whatever it is that May decides, it’s important that – in the future – we ignore anyone and everyone who ever described her as “a safe pair of hands”.

Because she’s really much more of a limp flipper.

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Featured image via Wikimedia