Brexit ‘breakthrough’ as May negotiates deal that’s mutually disappointing for everyone

At 48-52%, the Brexit vote was incredibly close. This makes it difficult to move forwards, as any decision will likely infuriate a good half of the population.

Theresa May, however, has found a solution.

Sort of.

Namely in finding a position that merely leaves everyone somewhat annoyed.

Breakthrough!

The media has announced a BREAKTHROUGH™ in Brexit talks. Of course, further reading revealed that this BREAKTHROUGH™ was actually just a case of the Tories backing down on pretty much everything. Or at least that’s what the Brexiteers seem to think anyway:

Leave.EU campaign co-founder Arron Banks says Prime Minister Theresa May "has betrayed the country and the 17.4 million Leave voters"

— Sky News Breaking (@SkyNewsBreak) December 8, 2017

A deal in Brussels is good news for Mrs May as we can now move on to the next stage of humiliation.

— Nigel Farage MP (@Nigel_Farage) December 8, 2017

The Tories actually seem quite pleased with it, however. Although they kind of have to seem quite pleased with it, as they’re the ones selling it. Much like Derek Trotter selling chocolate kettles on a drizzly, mid-week afternoon:

https://twitter.com/danbloom1/status/939045522123321344

Extraordinary achievement by @theresa_may today. Against all odds a deal delivered that confirms she is probably the only person in Britain able to deliver a good & clean Brexit

— Jeremy Hunt (@Jeremy_Hunt) December 8, 2017

The EU was also supportive. Although then again, why wouldn’t they be? They’re getting everything they want:

Ask yourself why it’s in the EU’s interest to make the deal look like a success for Theresa May to the British people. This stuff isn’t rocket science

— Matt Zarb-Cousin (@mattzarb) December 8, 2017

The end result is that everyone is somewhat annoyed. Brexiteers because we don’t get to shoot ourselves in the face, and Remainers because we’re still shooting ourselves in the foot.

May-day

Speaking to a crowd of gathered reporters, the PM said:

A wise man once said you can please all of the people some of the time, and you can please some of the people all of the time, but you can please anyone on Brexit, because it’s bullshit.

Oh dear, did I just say that out loud? This is how these EU scoundrels get you – they make you negotiate for 48 hours straight, and then you can’t tell what’s what anymore.

Anyway!

At that point, May walked into what was quite clearly a janitorial closet. A few minutes later, snoring was heard. There was also sleep-screaming that went:

BREXIT MEANS AAAAARGH!

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Featured image via Flickr